How Can We Reframe Language Around Adoption?

By Teesta Bhola-Shah

There are many misconceptions, stereotypes, and negative perceptions people have around adoption. But how do we combat these stereotypes? It begins with purposefully using the right language when we talk about adoption. 

We interviewed AdoptTogether liaison Holly Clark on ways we can shift the language we use around adoption. For Clark, adoption has always been more than a legal process. From the very beginning, she’s made it her mission to talk about adoption with warmth and honesty, both with her children and the people around her.

“For me, parenting through adoption has always been rooted in respect — for my children and for their birth families,” Clark shared. “It’s not just about raising them, it’s about honoring where they came from.”

She remembers when her daughter was little, people would sometimes ask awkward or unintentionally hurtful questions without realizing it. “When people asked my daughter, ‘Where are your real parents?’ I’d say, ‘Pinch me — I’m real!’” she laughed. “But I’d also tell her, your birth parents are real too. I’m so thankful to them for giving you life.”

Compassion and understanding became part of Clark’s parenting philosophy. She wanted her children to grow up proud of every part of their story, not confused or ashamed because of how others spoke about adoption. “I practiced telling their stories when they were babies,” she said. “I wanted to make sure that every word I used showed them they were loved, wanted, and respected.”

The Power of Words

Clark quickly realized how much language shapes the way people think about adoption. Even a single word can carry a deeper meaning. “I started using words like placed instead of given up,” she explained. “That’s such an important change, because it shows dignity. A birth parent doesn’t ‘give up’ their child, they make a placement out of love and hope for their child’s future.”

She believes that being mindful of language doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s about remembering that words have power. “I tell people all the time — you don’t need to overthink it,” she said. “Just speak with kindness. Speak like you’re talking about someone you love. Because you are.”

Clark often shares her experience with new adoptive parents who are nervous about what to say or how to talk about their child’s story. “The best thing you can do is keep the tone positive,” she said. “Talk about adoption as something beautiful. Because it is. It’s about connection.”

Image Credits: Utah Adoption Specialists Instagram

Breaking Misconceptions

Still, misconceptions about adoption come up more often than people realize. Clark says one of the biggest ones is the idea that adopted children are somehow “different” from biological children.

“I hear people say, ‘Adopted children are…’ and then fill in the blank,” she said. “But that’s like saying, ‘biological children are…’ It just doesn’t make sense. Each child is unique. Adoption doesn’t define who they are.”

She’s quick to remind people that families are built in many ways, and that love doesn’t come with a DNA test. “Every family looks different,” Clark said. “But love is what makes it work, not genetics. My kids are my kids, plain and simple.”

Even when people mean well, Clark knows that some questions can unintentionally make children feel “othered.” Instead of scolding, she takes these moments as opportunities to educate. “I try to meet curiosity with patience,” she said. “If someone says something like, ‘Oh, your kids don’t look like you,’ I’ll smile and say, ‘That’s right, they have their own beautiful look, and I get to be their mom.’”

Clark’s Advice

After years of parenting, Clark has plenty of advice for new adoptive families. “Keep private information private,” she said. “You don’t owe anyone your child’s story. It’s theirs to tell someday, if they choose.”

She also encourages parents to lead with openness and optimism. “Be positive. Be open. And most of all, be creative in how you love and support your child,” she said. “There’s no single right way to do it. Every family finds their rhythm.”

And when it comes to adoption itself, Clark reminds families that it’s okay to feel nervous or uncertain. “Adoption comes with emotions — for everyone involved,” she said. “But if you keep your heart in the right place and focus on love, you’ll figure it out. Kids feel that.”

Paying it Forward

Now, through her work with AdoptTogether, Holly Clark is helping other families start their own adoption journeys. AdoptTogether is a nonprofit crowdfunding platform that helps hopeful parents raise money to cover adoption costs, which can often reach tens of thousands of dollars.

“Some people never even start the process because they think they can’t afford it,” Clark stated. “That breaks my heart, because every child deserves a home. I’ve seen firsthand how a little help — financial or emotional — can change a family’s future.”

Through AdoptTogether, Clark has been able to connect with families all over the country who share the same goal: to build homes filled with love. “It’s incredible to see families rallying together and communities stepping up,” she said. “Every donation, every share, every kind word, it all adds up.”

But for Clark, adoption will always be about something deeper than money or paperwork. It’s about the connection between birth parents, adoptive parents, and children. “Adoption taught me that love doesn’t come with conditions,” she said. “It just grows. And when you speak about it with care, it grows even more.”