“It’s You and Your Child Against the World” – Gina Iyer’s Advice for Adoptive Parents

By Teesta Bhola-Shah

Adoption is often a very difficult process for everyone involved. But the way to get through it is with patience and love, says Gina Iyer. Gina was adopted as a child and adopted one of her children when she grew up, so she has lots of experience with the process. When we interviewed Gina Iyer about her life and journey, she was warm, direct, and funny.

Having been adopted herself and later adopting her own daughter, Gina has lived both sides of the adoption story. She understands what it means to wait, to wonder, and to love a child who may not share your DNA but who is your own. Gina offers realistic, practical, and often funny advice for parents who are looking to adopt.

When asked what she would say to people preparing to adopt, Gina didn’t hesitate. “Have patience,” she said. “Think of yourself as an elephant that’s pregnant for like two years, because that’s how long it’s going to take, maybe a little bit more.” In India, she explained, the adoption process can be long and exhausting, filled with tons of paperwork and waiting. “But it’s absolutely worth it in the long run,” she said.

For Gina, patience is about faith, and trusting that the process will work out in the end. She shared the story of her best friend, who once called ready to give up on adoption after months of waiting. Gina recalled their discussion: “[my best friend] said, Gina, I just can’t do this. I’m withdrawing the papers.”

Gina said in response, “Don’t be stupid. Leave the papers in there. If you still feel like that when they say there’s a child available, then you withdraw them.” Within a month, her friend got the call — a baby had arrived. “I said, well, there you go,” Gina laughed. “It’s very difficult, I know, but just have patience. In the end, it is so worth it.”

Another thing Gina discussed were the misconceptions around loving an adopted child. “The biggest misconception is that people think, ‘I don’t know if I can love somebody if they’re not my blood,’” she said. “But the minute the child comes into your life, they realize immediately that they could not love anybody as much as they love this baby.”

She’s seen this realization happen again and again, with friends calling her in disbelief at how deeply they could love a child who wasn’t biologically theirs. “Once that baby’s in your arms, then you tell me how you feel,” she said. “And of course, they’re like, ‘Oh my God, you were right.’”

Gina’s advice doesn’t stop with the process. She believes the hardest part of adoption is not the waiting but learning to tune out society’s judgments. “Don’t worry about what people say to you, what people think,” she said. “It’s just you and your child against the world.” She knows that people can be unintentionally cruel sometimes, but she believes that filtering out negativity is part of being a parent. “Whether it’s biological or adopted, most of that stuff you have to filter out when it comes to your child. Just forget about it.”

When she reflects on her own life, Gina doesn’t think being adopted shaped her much differently from anyone else. “Zero,” she said simply. Being adopted is a part of who she is, but she feels that she was given a normal childhood like anyone else. “The only thing I ever thought about was maybe when I had my son, I realized we didn’t have any medical history.” 

Even then, Gina has no desire to reach out to her birth parents, other than practicality with medical records. “I thought maybe my son would want to know one day,” she said. “But there was nothing they could offer me that I hadn’t already achieved or gotten for myself.”

Still, she has gentle words for her younger self and for any adoptee who might be struggling with identity or belonging. “Be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to make mistakes,” she said. “Be responsible, be kind, be happy. Life is too short to be unhappy.”

And in true Gina fashion, she added with a laugh, “Just because you’re adopted doesn’t make you the queen bee. I used to think I was, like, ‘Oh, I’m special.’ No, you’re just like any other kid in the house.”

Gina’s journey, from being adopted in Dallas to becoming an adoptive mother in India, captures what adoption truly means. It’s not about the paperwork or the waiting, but in the end it’s really about the love you have for your children. Gina talks about adoption as a part of who she is, not something that defines her or her family. Her advice, “It’s you and your child against the world,” sums it up perfectly. Her life is proof that love has no single shape, language, or origin — it just has to be shared.