From Dallas to India: Gina Iyer’s Adoption Story

By Teesta Bhola-Shah

Adoption can mean many different things for different people — complexity, love, loss, anger, family. For adoptee Gina Iyer, it has meant all of these things and more. Born in the United States and raised in India, Gina’s story crosses many continents and cultures. We interviewed Gina about her life and perspectives on adoption. 

Gina’s life began in the United States, where she was born to a white mother and a Black father in the 1970s. At the time, as she explained, “it was very difficult to place biracial children.” American society wasn’t as accepting, and many parents didn’t want to adopt a biracial child. 

Her biological mother was only eighteen when she gave birth to her. “She came from a very strict Protestant family,” Gina said. “They told her that if she was going to have this biracial child, she would be disinherited.” Facing rejection from her family, Gina’s biological mother made the difficult decision to place her for adoption.

Before finding her permanent home, Gina spent her early years in foster care in Dallas, Texas. “I kind of bounced around in the foster system for a little while till I landed up with my foster parents,” she shared. “I didn’t do well in other homes. I would always be thinking that I’d be brought back to my foster parents, Aunt Ginger and Uncle Fred.” Those years shaped her earliest memories, surrounded by people she grew to love.

It was through Aunt Ginger that Gina met the woman who would become her mother. “Aunt Ginger was working in a daycare center where my mom, my mom now, got a job,” Gina said. “My mom said that she met me and she instantly fell in love. She said, ‘That’s it. That’s my child.’”

Her adoptive parents were Indian and living in Dallas at the time. “My dad was a banker, and my mom worked in a daycare center with kids,” Gina explained. “I was four and a half when I came to my parents, and when I was five and a half, my brother was born.” Her parents had been trying to have a baby for a long time, but her mother always said that the moment she saw Gina, she knew. “She fell in love,” Gina said simply.

Not long after, the family went through a major change. “When I was about eight and my brother was about three, my parents decided that they wanted to go their separate ways,” she said. Her mother returned to India with both children. “We moved back with my mom to India, and then I never went back,” Gina explained. “I went back to see my dad and my foster parents and cousins and stuff, but I never lived in America after that. So I’m like fully, how they say in India, fully Indian.” 

Moving to India came with adjustments, but it also came with a deep sense of comfort. “I moved to a massive family, the great Indian family, with chachas and chachis and masis and mamis,” she said with a laugh. “I was very sheltered. My family protected me a lot, especially because my parents were divorced, and at that time India was not really ready for divorced women to move back.”

Her mother later remarried and had two more children, and suddenly Gina found herself surrounded by new brothers and relatives. “In about a short year’s time, I had a new country and new brothers,” she said. “So I was very sheltered, and if anybody ever said anything, I think my family would swoop in and take care of it.”

Even though adoption was still a new idea in many parts of India, Gina never faced much stigma or discrimination. She doesn’t remember other children or adults ever questioning her identity or being unintentionally hurtful, and grew up with confidence in her identity.  “I guess I was light-skinned and curly-haired, so I think it was kind of like a little novelty to a lot of people in India,” she said. “I don’t think anybody’s ever said anything bad to me about adoption because I was just so protected and so insulated with my own family.”

When asked whether it was hard to adjust to life in India, Gina said it felt completely natural. “One of my aunts told my mother that [my] soul belonged to India and you were just the vessel that brought her back home,” she recalled. “It’s weird because I never ever thought about it very much. Whether it was learning the language or adapting to life here, it just happened.”

In her family, adoption was always spoken about openly. “It’s a very open topic,” she said. “When I got married, I decided that one of my children would be adopted. So my daughter is adopted, and she is 25 now. Then I had my son, who is from my tummy. In our family, adoption is a word that’s thrown around very easily. It’s very accepted.”

For Gina, her story has come full circle. She began her life as an adopted child and later became an adoptive mother herself. Her journey from the United States to India, from foster homes to a large Indian family, shows how love and belonging can be found anywhere. Her story is a heartwarming example of how family isn’t about how you got there, but the people you end up with.